And it's happening again.. I remember this feeling... for nearly a year it was there, and I cried myself to sleep every night because of it. Love. That filthy bitch who swoops you under her wing when you least expect it. Last time it was gradual, and I accepted it readily, because there was hope. Now? There is none. There is no hope whatsoever. However, my sick intuition tells me there is, and my heart believes it, though my head knows its so blatantly wrong. Never met, never spoken, never even heard his voice. How is it possible? His words. Not his voice, but his words. I hear them. I hear his thoughts, the thoughts all hear, the thoughts he writes down. Inside he's like me, and I know this, but he doesn't. He quite literally doesn't even know I exist. Hopefully this won't last long. If I'm lucky, it'll be gone soon. It was like a bolt of lightening. Bam. And suddenly I found myself doing something i had NEVER done before. I feel very strongly about putting people up on a pedestal ( people in power, but most importantly celebrities), I've never done it. Not even a poster in my room, let alone doing something obsessive like looking it up on the internet. I keep hearing the words, but I don't want to. It's compulsive now. I feel like I'm slowly losing my sanity. How desperately I want to talk to him, to know if the person behind the words is really the person I think it is. I need to know. Right now at least, I quite desperately need to know.  When it happened, I thought it was because I liked it in general... but it wasn't general, it was pinpointed right there. I desperately wanted something, and I didn't know what. I know now- I wanted to be recognized, talked to at least, talked to as another person who you would enjoy talking to, not like someone who worships you. Oh how desperately these thoughts invade my mind. I am not all here. I need to be acknowledged. Please, someone, hear me.... make it go away...