Why is it that the people telling me that im pretty are the people considered prettier then me by everyone except them selves? Why is it that the only reason i seem to be friends with the people im friends with is to make them look good?  Why is it I feel like an ugly duckling in a world of beauty queens? Why is it that some days I wake up not caring, and others i try to erase reality? what's the point? I hate it when people tell me im pretty. not like it makes me feel any prettier. is it supposed to?  i can't wait until i finish school. Then ill move out, and live alone. and probably distance myself from the rest of the world. and ill like it that way. and everytime i want love - ill remind myself of reality. maybe look in a mirror with no make up on to reinforce it.  and when im alone, with no friends, just with family, who love me because they have to, ill find a quiet place to live with my dozens of cats, maybe dogs too, and live there happily. because animals don't care what you look like. somewhere out in the country probably. far away from everyone. and ill come to the city once or twice a year - for dinner with my family. and eventually maybe ill forget the truth. and try again. and then remember. and be so depressed the second time round, that i crawl into a dark hole and cry. stop eating. i wonder if anyone will find me? if they don't itll be for the better. eventually ill crawl out. skin and bones. find something to eat. then crawl back in. metaphorically speaking. my head hurts. i feel bloated. my fiingers are cold. i have a headache. i just finished talking to someone who quite obviously is pathetically naive and try not to seem that way, or just wants to get rid of me. doesn't really matter. it doesn't both me all that much. my mom's calling me. i have to go do dishes. i think that the person i was talking to before went and told a bunch of other people that i thought i was ugly. i hate it they do that. too much fucking gossip. and then they all band together, thinking that they're gunna make me feel better. what a pathetic waste of time. my god. i wish they'd all find lives.