So confused.
So confused.
So_confused.
And you're loading your neighbours, your closest ones with your confusion
And they accept it, and look eager to do it, and try to do something
But until they are not off this track, they can't really help.
They can give you energy. Positive emotions. Good. But they won't help. You'll just find yourself, in the luckiest case, on the sunny side of it.
But not off

So you load him with your confusion, and eagerly embrace his, and it starts whirling inside of you, and corrupting your self, and it becomes YOUR confusion, much greater than the first one. And the circle is repeated. Once again, once again, once again.
We're being scattered by it. No integrity. No integrity. I SAID, NO INTEGRITY. And we're ignoring it. Day by day. Wasting and drowning in that disturbances all the best that we have, all the best that we could gift each other.

And the time

passes.


_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
The last night of my life I was able to go out, I spent it driving through the night city filled with lights. I had asked an acquaintance to drive for me.
I wanted to see it for the last time.

At first the evenings like that gave me a supreme sense of safety, of confidence. Of hope. (No; twas more than 'hope': a stable, but not too strong light sent in all the directions).

Then, it meant a waste and utter absurdity to me. A hive, a black hole of nonsense, of waste, of _wrong_ways_, of being caught up in the middle of an artificial, exhausted, meagre nothing

And that night

I was just looking at it

and being present,
all the images and layers flowing onto me
into me
over me

\\ desolation, isolation, temptation, isolation, desolation [LET IT GO]
[AND SO TO FADE AWAAAY]
\\

a vertigo
an immersion

[I'm just GIVING IN]
______________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
I now gasp for the invention and popularization of memory journeys (God, PLEASE)
I'd spend there a week
a month
a few years
a lifetime

Maybe you should just live up to your twenty,
then remember_it_all,
then give birth to a child,
then bring it up, with no false values or cheating ideas used, filling his life with the best, the most beautiful and then the most demanding things
and when it reaches its twenty -
switch off.
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

Fighting the enthropy, cathalysing myself.
Being clear.
(two things: clear as a glass, as a sunset air, as a drop of rain
and "let me be VERY CLEAR here")
Just stopping it.

Yeah.

Stop the train. I'm going off.

__________________________________________________
..But in order to get to the heart, you feel,
sometimes you have
TO CUT THROUGH