I am tired. no wish to write and and translit, and check...a wish to share the last thoughts. here in english - from letter to Frances. first, wrote mail to her - relations are more imortant than self-reflexion - now put it into here.



"but - did you notice? - I have no more than 3 months.
and this is really nothing after all these years...in
comparison with the whole year. my visa ends on june,11. and
till then there is really nothing. the time flew fast for me
here - i do not know how for you. a bit sad to leave, still
if anyone would say: stay and live - i would still go. i got
to see it today more clearly - it is all my choice. yes,
better to be sad and cry at leaving than to stay and start a
routine life here. maybe, i was so long at one spot at home,
that i got fear never to start moving - yes, i had this
fear. and now i am not a person to stay. i am goer, i must
go. strange. and now i am really happy for i move, i go my
way - i waited for this for so long. that is why i feel so
good lonely - i am free. casting a glance into the family
lives - believe me from my experience.

we change. still i believe, every one has a freedom to
change and to develop. there are no same ways, no same days,
and the person is not the same every day. i believe, we
change, but sometimes i put one in a category, and do not
expect more from him - and do not get it as well. when i
come i will be changed, and it is not Austria, it is just
normal development. you too - but we need the eyes to see it
and to give freedom to the person for his/her changing. i
wish it for me - i am so easy at putting people in
categories.
now many things get usual to me, and this is my problem: it
becomes to routine. and i hate it. and i get really spoiled:
not able to see good things and noticing bad things. i am a
bit tired but not from the work, it is really easy, but from
my habit, me being used to life, finding faults. my battle
is now in the field of thoughts - they need permanent
control. yes, i can say, the weather is guilty, and my few
hours of sleep often, but is not an excuse. i still do not
miss Ukraine much, just want to see all my people - but i
miss new, i think. i need to go ahead! is it normal? i
cannot jump from land to land and from job to job the life
long, can I? but now i do not want to get stable, to stop in
some place. difficult. but every one has his own way. good,
that i can lay all my burdens to my Father'S feet."