i need to go to dantist today. and today is the first working day. i hope, that this day will bring a lot of cool thoughts. i told Nadya (Simamoto) that there is a time of imagination in my life. i don't know, why, but that's true.

who are the friends? are they only people with wich you relate only to bring joy to yourself, or friends are they, for wich i would die. am i good friend or i am bad at all? is there something good in me or it is wicked and broken? i can't find answers on these questions, because this questions are the answers for themselves.

i think that our character and our self can be changed only in silence, in imagination. that's when there is a great battle, or better to say, struggle in your heart. it happens when all of your friends and all people in this world are away, far away from you. it happens when you stay alone, one on one with your heart and God begins to tell something to your heart. no. He is talking to your heart every day, but when you stay alone, you begin to listen and hear, what's there in your heart. shurelly, you can meet somebody and begin a great discussion or you can go to computer club and muffle the voice of your heart, that is silent anyway. or you can listen to this voice and then you will hear this simple and in the same time hard heart questions...

so, who are the friends? i don't know. i think that they are the most important people in this world, they are the people, for who you can do something, and you wish to do this for them. friends are they who answer with reciprecity on every your word. that's hard to find friends. or no. that's impossible to find a friend. it must be natural...

who am i? am i computer designer or journalist or somebody else? what is my profession? what i am looking for in this world. i remember that couple of month ago when i heard that all the people ask such question, question of identity, in the age of 17-23. and i said then that i haven't asked this question, because i thought that everything is clear, i had a plan for my life for 5 years. but now i am on the dead end. no, that's not the apocalypse, but that's time when i must turn off the dead end, recognize, establish my identity and begin to go to the very point...

but now i know that God loves me. and that's important. some days ago Anya and Olya said about their world view, that: "there is Somebody, or Something that loves me, despite everything"... and i know that Jesus Christ, my God and Savior loves me very much and He will take care of me and He will help me to put priorities on right places. so. God loves me. and i love God. why? because He is my dear Fahter and He is the sence for my life, and now i want to find a shape, how i will live this life, full of sence...