BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by crossing? Could you define crossing please?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal a job from decent, hardworking Americans.

DR. SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road. Why it crossed, I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross the roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA:
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay. Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. That's what they call it, the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side'. That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX:
It was an historical inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN:
What chicken?

CAPT. JAMES T. KIRK:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook ...and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, Thou shalt cross the road, and the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one?

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome . Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.