Unsolicited email, aka spam, aka the bane of the internet, is a fascinating animal. No matter how hard one fights it, filters it, trashes it, it's always there, shifting shapes, worming its way into our mailboxes. And yet, it's so clueless, so stupid, so utterly pathetic, so depressing. If we are to believe it, the ideal spam customer is overweight, balding, wrinkled, snoring, impotent, lacking sexual stamina, completely unattractive. The customer has a small penis, tiny breasts, bad teeth and will soon get cancer. The customer is poor, knee-deep in debts and mortgages, without health coverage, out of job or having a dull one. The customer is despised by everyone but the sons and widows of deceased African officials. The customer is a porn fiend, aroused by anything involving teenage girls, farm animals and hidden webcams. The customer is insensitive to bad spelling, blissfully ignorant and hopes to improve his/her sorry life by getting bogus university diplomas, driving licenses or certificates of priesthood. The customer adores anything that's free or cheap, anything seen on TV. The customer lives a unhappy, despaired, terrifed life, threatened by his/her spouse, boss, goverment and neighbours but hopes to be able to get revenge by finding secret dirt on them in the Internet. The customer is selfish, greedy, but also so lazy that making money fast shoud never be harder than "stuffing envelopes" at home or spamming other gullible individuals. We can hope, though, that this ideal customer doesn't exist anywhere else than in the imagination of spammers.

[показать]