so i havent written anything in a while here,

but thats because i really didnt want to, even through lots of things changed in my little life, some are for better some are for worse,

i still have my job, which i love and dont love at the same time, i hate being on the bottom level and i seems like it will take me for ever to get all the way on top or at least start moving, whatever , anyway , i need more experience and education,

so i am almost living on my own, my parents are in a different country and it fucking hurts , hurts to be alone, hurts to have them far, hurts to do everything on my own , hurts to be a grown up, i wish i was a kind again, i hate grown up problems

my fucking relationship is all screwed up,  i guess i wish i was single sometimes again, even through i love him , but...............i need my own time, and i have to find myself  and sometimes its hard when you have someone else out there, they require time and emotions, and those 2 things that right now i cant waste on anyone,

i need myself......................

i guess i am aloner, i just love in my life, who knows what i want,

we even broke up once for some stupid reason but deep down i broke up with him because i was afraid to be left alone, being left by someone, especially now when everyone leaves me, damn

soon i will have no one to talk too, besides my stupid coworkers and my girlfriend which always has some stupid college stories that i am sick of already, sometimes i want to tell her " i m sick of your he looks weird on me, or i think he likes me" damn just get over it already ,itsnot like you slept together

i wanna go to spain, i wanna get my masters there, i dont know when or how but i have to makeit happen soon, i dont wanna wait time, but than again, i just got together with my bf and if i apply next  year , that means i will have to break up with him agian ,...next year................................

funny we got back together, i dotn even know why i did it, i do love him but i am better off without him, i guess you cant always cheat on you head, and heart takes over ..

whatever , tomorrow back to work , stupid life, i need more excitement in it......or maybe now, it is complicated as it is as of right now, and i dont need any more changes right now

still love myself,

me