last day of classes for this semester.......
i feel a little bit happy and a little bit sad......
but now i feel angry , thanks for that damn professor that i just had the last class with............ i hate him...he is such a show off....instead of giving us a review , he started talking about all those great things that he can do and how talented he is........now i feel sad.....FOR MYSELF........ i feel like i am worhtless and useless compaired to him.......why don't i have a talent or a special interest toward something.........at least something..........what have i achieved in my life?
NOTHING.......NADA......NONE............it kills me inside.......... there is nothing that i am good at.....nothing...............aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa punish me, i deserve it i am almost 20 and there is nothing that i can do in this life.......why? why am i like that? i am just a stupid shy girl.........with no talent........things must be changed...but how and to what?
there must be something that i am good at but i don't know what that might be........
i have to be openmind, i got to do something besides school...........and i must be a good student at the same time............ok ok, i am taking a dance classes now, but its only classes thats it, after 8th lesson it is over..............my dance career will be over........maybe i should take it again so i feel definately learn how to dance salsa by repeating it many times..........or maybe i should take piano lessons and learn notes , buy myself a sintezator and try to create some music on my own......i love techno and trance........ah what am i talking about, who am i kidding........sports are deffinately not good for me, what is left? not much............i need a hobby or at least a special interest toward something, and i don't have it and its is driving me nuts........i try to stay possitive toward myself but it is so hard........and this pretty girl in my class who is married.........da , you damn professor why did you have to say that,...it was like a knife into my heart...........not only i don't have a hobby, but on yes , you also don't have a husband, oh no not even a boyfriend, Not even a BOY FRIEND, ...........what a loser i am...........this makes me feel like crap..........damn , last day of class , it is suppost to be fun, but no it is not........i wanna go home and decorate my little chistmass tree.....but not i can't cause i go to study for those stupid finales and wait till they are over , only than i can decorate my tree...........................i think i am leading toward depression..............i got to get out of that............you can't achieve things with a dark head and blind of anger mind.......i will stop writting so the sakes of my own..................
no love......