The hardest day in my life....................

I almost felt suicidal when i woke up this afternoon. Man, was i wrong. I dont even know why i am so harsh on myself. 

I went to see him today, we ended up going to this italian restaurant. He first wanted to go to this turkish restaurant but it was closed, so he called his friends who work in the intalian restaurant and we went there. It was really nice, we had a 3 mean course for lunch.  He had his friends there, and i felt jealous, yes jealous, ...........jealous that he had such good friends and i dont. ......than he started sharing stories about his ex's and than again i felt even more jealous...........jealous that he has ex's and i dont................that he had so much fun and exprience in life and i dont.....................i even felt like maybe i am living my life wrong............i felt like i am here just for sex and that it is all he wants from me................i dont know, i might be wrong........i know my problem is that i dont open up to ppl enought,  i think this is what i need..........so i went home, rolled into my bed and fell asleep for about an hour, so i can get all these ideas out of my mind, now i am writing them down

i made first step, i send joe a letter with my phone number, saying that i want to be friends with him, i hope i wont regret it.

i think i am too harsh on myself , for no reason, so i decided to think about all the facts that i love about myself , and no more negative ideas. I cant change my negative sides in one day, but if i can praise my positive sides, maybe i will be easier  for me to work on myself....

so here you go: things that i love about myself.:

- i am smart

- i am attractive

- i can be funny

-i can be a freat , carrying friend

- i know how to make things work in life

- i am very simple

- i love to travel and read cheesy love books

- i can enjoy simple things in life

- i know how to take care of myself

- i've graduated from college without any problems

- my councelor loves me, and tells me " whats not to like in you"

- older  people tend to like me and find me cute

- ira thinks that i am great, and i know olga envies me

- my mother thinks that i am beautiful

- i believe in myself

- i have my down sides, but i have my up sides as well

- i can entartain myself

- i am trying to love myself....and i will .......cause i feel that if i dont love myself, no one will, so i will start with myself

Two lessons learned:

- DONT DOUBT YOUR SELF, LOVE YOUR SELF

- OPEN UP TO PEOPLE, DONT BE AFRAID TO GET HURT, EVEN IF YOU WILL, IT WILL MAKE YOU EVEN STRONGER IN LIFE, ITS A TIME TO STOP HIDING FROM PEOPLE