Barely hanging on. At least I've got something to concentrate on now. Need someone here to look after me, make me feel better, but no one I dare ask because right at the moment people have their own problems. Researching like a demon. Might sleep tonight, might not. Mustn't miss my counselling appointment tomorrow. Must remember to buy a new car battery. Must remember to cash my cheque as well.

Going back to fucking with stuff I barely, or just plain don't understand. Not what I need right now, but it has to be done. Need help, but don't want to bring anyone else in if I can help it. Too much risk. Even if I don't know what I'm fucking with at least I've dealt with the consequences of what I'm planning, and worse than I'm planning before.

Lovely taxi driver. Gave me a discount for telling him about Havoc. Apparently he didn't know it was every third Tuesday, so he was just hanging around and praying for customers. Most grateful. Three quid off. Down to Woking after midnight for a tenner. Not bad.

Dread to think what the counsellor's gonna think of this one. Don't want another emergency appointment tomorrow, since I don't think I'll have time. Also don't think I'll have much of a choice. Don't wanna go to the doctor's, but want something to keep me in a stable mood, stop the swinging and bouncing and crying and whimpering.

Shouldn't have had anything to drink tonight. Still, I barely had anything. Barmaid was kind enough to double the tia maria when I managed to open the bottle for her, without even charging anything. Doubt I'll sleep tonight. Taken the pill anyway. Hoping it'll take affect soon, but I'm still geared up into combat mode.

Things are a mess. Doubt they'll fix any time soon. Pity.

Bunny