The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English
will be the official language of the EU, rather than German (the
other possibility). As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's
Government conceded that English spelling had some room for
improvement, and has
accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the
language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish. The agreed plan is as
follows:
In year 1, the soft 'c' would be replaced by 's'. Sertainly, this
will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be
replaced by 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan
now have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome 'ph' is replaced by 'f'. This will reduse
'fotograf' by 20 persent. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the
new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the
removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to
akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent 'e's in the language is disgrasful and they should eliminat
them. By year 4, peopl wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such
as
replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v' (saving mor keyboard spas).
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords
kontaining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli
sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and
evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer....
ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!! VE VIL AL SPIK LIK GERMANS !!!