Wow, wow, wow... what do we have here by now?

Several decisions, a couple of plans, some bit of tiredness, and even some brand-new experience.

I seems more cool (in meaning of calm) to myself. But I think that such my behaviour dictated mostly my lack of strength, not by changes in my personality.

What else I have? Several friends who share weekend's beer with me. And some friends who answers on my phonecalls. And even some friends who promise visit
me one day. I don't really believe them, but I just can't absolutelly refuse possibility of their visit to my shelter.

I still smoke. And drink. All as like before.

And hardly trying to find something new for my own entertainment. Read philosophy books, fiction books, science books, newspapers, digests... But all this seems not for me. I'm just trying to find my place. And not gonna give up. At least, in comming 20-30 years. There's nothing worse then feel yourself defeated.

What do I do? Where do I go? I've been asking myself over and over again for last 3... or may be 5 year? Shit. Seems, I just have depressure now. I underslept today. That's what explain my such mood. I always can find a justification to what's going on. That's why most of the time I smile. And see other smiling back to me. And it makes my life kind of... better... brighter... more happy?

Frankly speaking, I sit here paying in i-net club in the center of the city because I don't wont to see my fucking home. I have i-net connection at home, I have kiosk right behind the block where I own a flat. So, beer I can drink there as well.

I have a remedy from such "moods". Tomorrow morning I'll manage to come to swimming pool and will leave it absolutelly happy. (as used to be).