remember that letter i wrote for you?... it wasnt for you... was for me, just now i understand that.

like always, iam psichologist for everybody and for my self. expressing my self on paper.

if be honest.. iwas always hoping that you accidently find this letter, read it and would understand exactly what i
feel,because it is only one person in this world i want to understand me completly. this person is you.

i am afraid of you knowing this. my secret, my hardest pain that doesnt leave me. iam afraid of you feeling pitty to me.
it will put me down. more pain i cannot handle. i think so at least. i dont feel more so much. but what they say?
God send ordeals to people who can handle it.
i miss you so much. too much maybe. and its pain again. i start to have this idea that all life consist of different
kinds of pain. beleive that?
and always this fear..
it started badly last month. it started right after he left. fears.. many... surrounding me everywhere. fear that plain you are on will crash. you ll call me telling that
you got back with your last love.that you still remember her and that you comparing me with someone..
that you dont love me, that you think iam wrong or not smart enough. that iam not good in bed.. that...i know
it is stupid, but i can do nothing about this fears.nothing. i just cannot get rid of this thoughts
after all.