I'm shaking right now. And no, it's not because the temperature outside suddenly dropped. One day, too much crap. It started with a weird dream I had last night. I've been wanting to go on a cruise for a while now. So I had a dream that somehow me, my mom, my sister, and my father were on a cruise liner. The ride was very smooth, everything was absolutely amazing. Then the weather started changing and I cannot remember now how, but a few people fell over the board. The crew, instead of getting them back on the ship kept going, saying that there was a rescue crew on the water right behind our liner. So we kept on going, standing there by the railings and looking on the water, all of a sudden we are passing by a big flat rock sticking out of the water, covered with body parts and bloody water twirling over it. It dawns on me that another ship has just crashed there, and while I'm trying to catch my breath from what I've just seen, our ship suddenly rocks really hard, and all I could remember that I thought it was the end and started praying for a quick death. In the meantime the ship was rocking right and left, up and down for a few more minutes which seemed like forever. Huge waves of water were gushing onto the ship and quite a few people were washed off the ship. There was a huge frenzy, people were screaming. Then all the turmoil finally stopped, people started thanking the crew for making it through this "storm". At this point people were running up and down the ship looking for their loved ones. My mom and my sister were by my side, so I knew they survived, but my father was on the top floor of the ship, which was open. We were not able to find him and were told that all the people that were on that top floor got washed off the ship. Dead. I was shocked. My mom and sister were not exactly grieving, they were sort of relieved that he was gone. Yes, my father is an abusive, egotistical animal, and all the respect I've had for him has been long lost, but at that moment I felt like no matter what kind of a person he was, he still was my father and I was shaken up. And then...I woke up. It took me a while to realize that it was only a dream. Freaky dream.

Then I went to school, sat through first 2hr lecture and had a big tough exam on Periodontology right after. I had my clinical at one, and I had to pick up my patient in Albany, the city that I'm not that familiar with. It's a long story, but when I finally got the patient in my car, we got lost, and then got lost even more, riding in circles. I knew I was running late already, so I just turned around and brought her back home. So, I called theclinic and explained that I would not make it there today. Missing clinic hours is not exactly a good thing, my graduation process directly depends on that. So I was pretty bummed. And to top all that there is something weird going on with my front tooth, which means - more money(money that I don't have) out of my pocket. This whole thing seems like a neverending circle that I'm stuck in. School, work, studying, patients, clinical requirements, upcoming national board exams, personal life - everything is closing up on me, and I am about to lose it. I HAVE TO MAKE IT THROUGH. I WILL DO IT, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. BUT NOONE BUT ME KNOWS AT WHAT COST. I've alredy sacrificed so much and there's more to come, but i know, that God will not give any more than I can handle. I know there are plenty of people who have it thousands more times worse than me, and some have it better, but this is my life and I'm doing the best I can. I'm fine.