alcohol and the past three month don't help at all....... even if i crave blood so much less since she went away, i still do..... and i know i cant take it. i can not allow myself to possibly take it, not a drop. for him if not for anyone else, definitely not for me...... fine, so it's only a mental addiction, but its a fucking annoying one.... sometimes i can barely take it.....

blood is life, blood is love, blood is lust. it's everything.... its magical.... it goes further than words, further than actions. in the past, i looked past this, i wanted blood for blood and not for what it means. now, only sometimes, when i forget myself a bit, i want it, and i want it for what it is, love, and lust...... so far i have kept it under control...... hope i can in the future...... otherwise..... oh i dont know......

i have been thinking.... who am i? am i not just a broken mirror- every shard reflecting a bit of someone else, an incomplete, sick, diseased bit and nothing of myself? no complete picture, no matter how much you try.......