Ever since i could remember myself i had that feeling that i miss something. There wasnt something in my life. It took me 15 years to figure it out. I did it tonight at 4 in the morning.
We came to this forgotten dark place on the side of the road. He pulled me in the back and told me to relax. And there i was in this old uncomfortable van with this man who i can love only for loving me so much. We didnt make love, we never do, and it's reasonable, cuz how can we, if there is no love between us. It was just dirty get down to business thing. It was so hot in the car that we both almost died. After we were done, i sat in the driver's seat without even asking him. He didnt say a word. I threw my unfinished cigarette out the window and drove. I didnt know that road and it was dark, but i knew exactly that i need it. The wind was cool and refreshing all over my body through the open window. I realized that i was free, that i was finally in control. I realized what i was missing all those years. Nothing can go wrong now, i can make my own choices and dont ask anybody. When i pulled in my driveway i was different and without any delays i told him that we shouldn't see each other anymore. I didnt need him or anybody else to make me feel good , i could do it myself now.