They took me out for dinner today. I ended up paying , but it was nice. I missed them....my high school girlfriends....yeah. Well, times r changed we r changed, but we still manage to go out and talk and just have some fun. I think it's pretty cool. But i know that i will never let them in too close to myself. I dont want to get hurt again, that's it. Besides we are so different. Well, that's not what i was gonna say. One of them knows my ex. I was trying not to ask but those damn words just popped out from nowhere. So i did ask about him. I was trying to play cool, and make it look like i was just starting a conversation. Plus i made up some guy that is supposedly in my life right now. Bullshit. No guy. No life. No nothing. Anyways, she didnt tell me anything specific or interestin. Oh well, how dumb do i have to be, to still think that he will learn his mistake and come back to wonderful miss perfect, that would be me. Pathetic, no other word crosses my mind. Fucked up thoughts and fucked up life, that's all i had, and will always have. Maybe some guy or two, to get my sexual frustration out of the way. That's about it. But i cant even get that, because i fall in love so quick and it's so hard to fall out of love. And i always know what's going to happen and never stop, because i want to be happy at least for a while. It's like a drug. I know it's bad, but i cant stop. Sometimes i even think that im cursed. Or maybe it's just my behavior that makes my life miserable, but i'm just being myself.
Or maybe it's all Mariah Carey's fault. Damn Christmas songs. Do they have to be so depressing? Damn Christmas!