So... It's been about a week and a half since I've moved out. For the first 3 days (ok 5), I was freaking out. I went back home to get more of my things and cried. I keep telling myself to be strong, but sometimes I just want to drop everything and run to mommy. I know I need to be an adult about this. For once in my life, I think I am finally doing something for me. I am the one solely responsible for my decision to leave and i need to be okay with it.
I will be okay.
Right now - I'm scared. I am terrified that whatever I wish to happen - won't. I don't want things to "not work out" even though everyone is telling me - "you'll be fine". Who the hell knows if I'll be fine? Whatever. I guess one can only hope.
I am split between decisions... Some days I think I want to move back to New York. That is absolutely my most favorite place. It holds everything I consider important and special. But other days, I want to make my life work out here. I think in part this is because I can't accept failiure, but also because I think I've grown to like Denver just enough to want find out more about it.
.....AND.... I have not told my family... I am a COWARD. I just need to face up to my mistakes and need to come out and say everything outloud.
I FUCKED UP. I FUCKED UP 6 YEARS OF MY DAMN LIFE. I AM NOT SURE I HAVE ANYTHING TO SHOW FOR IT OTHER THEN EMOTIONAL SCARS.
....and now i cry
....again
В колонках играет - lounge...