Нам на уроке английского языка задали написать нечто вроде проспектика турисьического бюро на тему движения на запад в США в 19-м веке. При этом надо было писать абасолютно обьективно, тоесть упомянать все плохие стороны тоже. Не кажется ли вам, что тут что-то не так? А вот мне кажется!!! Что хочет туристическое агентство? Правильно, денег!!! А как оно должно их заработать, если своим клиентам будет упомянать ВСЕ плохие стороны того места, куда они хотят ехать? А вот никак!!!! Фигня короче. Долго сидел, не хотел ничего делать. Сегодня меня осинило. Вот оно!!! Заранее прошу прощения за то, что оно на английском : )))

Ladies and gentlemen! Start your oxen, get set, and go west!!!

Fed up with the city? Looking for adventures? Want your own 160 acres of land?
Never seen a buffalo or been attacked by a wild Indian?

If these questions refer to YOU, then YOU are the chosen one to go west! Make it a civilized place!

Thousands of brave and adventurous men with their families have already gone west, and all of them love it, except the ones who are dead!

Get rid of your enemies! Invite them on a trip westwards, and, if you’re lucky, they’ll get the cholera and cease to be! It has already killed loads of people, so your enemies can be next! If not, they might get slaughtered by the helpful Indian tribes! And if that doesn’t work, just push them off the front of the wagon, and the next moment they’ll be falling into an almost certain death!!!

Swim over wild rivers! If you are the lucky one to be on a boat that has just dipped you’ll get the thrill of your life! You’ll never have that much adrenalin in your blood again! If you get sick on boats, simply go straight into the river, why spend 16$ on falling off the boat?

Make people envy you! Once in a lifetime you can say that you have as much food as the richest king in Europe! For sure, they’ve never had over one thousand pounds of food concentrated in such a small wagon! Just fill it with as much food you can think of!

Become a mule-tamer! Wild and stubborn mules are waiting for you to come and rope them! Once-in-a-lifetime experience! You’ll never have that many bruises again! Surprise your friends, amuse your enemies, we bet they’ve never seen a person so blue before!

Experience the unique pioneer’s adventure cuisine! Cooked bacon, fried bacon, mashed bacon, minced bacon, bacon salad, bacon pie, mousse au bacon, bread, Bacon and bread, Bread, bacon and bread, Bacon, bread, bread, bacon and bread, Bacon, bread, bacon, bacon, bread and bacon, or wild dead, lightly killed buffalo-steak!

Show the world that you’re not a coward, sell all your things, buy oxen, mules and a wagon, stuff it with loads of flour, bacon, coffee, sugar, salt and your beautiful family and off you go! Go West!

So discover the unknown prairies, civilize the Wild Wild West and find your fortune!!! For this honorable journey we provide you with a map with all the places where Indian-attacks are expected marked by green circles!

Off! Off with you!!! Why are you still standing there? There’s nothing left to read!

GO WEST!!!

©Greendrink 2003

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