Вот и все. Все кончено, по крайней мере для меня. Рассталась я с ним вчера. Все рассказала. У нас 2 разные жизни. У меня в Англии. У него- во Франции. Он хороший человек, но не мое я никогда его силько не любила, грустно то, что он ради меня готов был на все. Я желаю ему всего только самого лучшего. Я люблю другого,а может это и не любовь все так запутанно и сложно... но он мне безумно нравится и к нему я питаю какие то чувства. А X*****...надеюсь только что он не зол на меня. Он был хорошим другом и поддержкой, но не больше. Как же я вообще могла думать что люблю его? Теперь понимаю, что те мои слова были совершенно пусты. Я перепутала любовь с дружбой, взаимопониманием...
Ничего вернуть уже нельзя.



X***** 13 января в 9:07
So I send you a message, that will not bother you by forcing a conversation and I need to say you what I think. You did, so I will do also. Thanks to read. (not obligatory to answer)

You know what sucked these last monthes ? We didn't speak. I do not speak about the fact we don't have time, I mean that even when we had we didn't really speak. Because we have lots of common points but we were unable to make with that, we had a problem of communication.

I remain you that the firsts times we spoke, we spoke a lot of music. Because (now we have some different bands but it's still true in general) we like the same kind of music, and we shared things. But since how much time we didn't speak of music ? Since how much time I didn't show you a band I like ? Very much.

For movies. I remember that we also like same movies for part (you have some girly tastes that I don't, normal because you're a girl. Yes, I teach you that. :p), but since how much time didn't we speak of movies ? Almost the same I think.

After, playing part. We're both players, and we were always speaking of that, playing. Like when we said we had to do tennis matches (and lots of other things anyway) and we would both beat each other. Oh, and so another common point, the sports we like (Without swimming). But same time as always, we stopped this long ago.

After, the fact I want to learn russian and that you learn french. It helps making clother to learn other's language.

After, I'm sure you weren't waiting for this one but food. We both like to make desserts and food, but we didn't speak of what we did since long time. (Damn, I'm 18 ans I always repeat the same, what will it be when I'll be old.) I know you like fruits so I learnt to make other things with that that I didn't know anyway some days ago, but it has no importance yet.


That's examples between others, just to show the problem was communication, I've made lots of idiot things which made situation not as good. I saw it, it's why I begun to learn to speak well English to speak with you more easily on phone, so I could call sometimes, and for the rest I was waiting. Waiting you to have time like in holidays, or to see you in real this summer, to repair all of that and make new beginning. That was stupid idea I know, but I know I'm stupid also. I didn't know how to present it, you know if I said some weeks ago that I stopped everything it was to make you react and be again in the good situation, because we've made it and we could have done again. Oh, and it's bad that it didn't work to make letters, because it would have helped also.


So, you also spoke of distance, and I think it's the most important. I don't know for you, but personally I don't chose with who I fall in love. And between a hard relationship with somebody I really love and an easy relationship with somebody I don't love as much, choice is easily done for me. But as you said, you can't wait and it's normal maybe, can't blame you for that.

You will be more happy without me so I respect your choice and I will not bother you, your happyness is what matters.


But I got real problems with the fact you tried to humiliate me. "I've said I loved you even if it wasn't true and I cheated on you, but I like you as a friend, believe me !" If you had a problem you could have said because I knew there was this problem, explained higher, but worst you cheated. There could have been nothing worse, you don't know how it feels to be in this situation. I don't even know what to say about it, so I stop there.
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