This days i'm not sure what exactly i'm expecting from this life. I'm not even sure that i'm alive. Life is not getting better or worse, it's just leading to nothing. To death if you like.

I hate myself for being so indifferent. But i can't change. It's like a kind of disease. I can't be desisive any more. I can't smile. Just don't want to.

I desided to take up reading. To buy some fresh books. Some fresh meat for my brain. I hope it'll help. People are jelaus to me. They think i'm happy, gorgeus or something. I just don't care. Just don't know what i need. I guess i'm "the cold one".

I feel this way.