Sometimes things are getting out of control. Sometimes it's good, sometimes - not. Whatever happened to me one month ago was a miracle. Was it? For now I'm sure it was. The more time I spend with him, the more I'm sure it's meant to be. But I'm scared, to bones, to soul, to death. He says he loves me, but some of his actions tell me a completely different story. I want to understand what is this all about. I want to learn new things, I want to live new life, I want to be myself. Different self. I'm tired of taking care of people over and over and over again. This time is different, I won't be taking care of anyone but myself. I believe I deserve it. Now I final understand my mother's words about "selfishness". "You have to live for yourself, you have to build the life you've always wanted! Friends come and go, but you stay. People change, they betray, they leave, they lie, they don't care." The scariest part - she is right. People do all of the things she told me about. People hate...hate when you are happy cause they jealous. They hate when you are sad cause you are not entertaining them. Well I'm not expecting everyone to like me. It's simply impossible, success comes with a bunch of haters. The only thing that is left is to stay strong, focus in your life and ENJOY it as much as you possibly can. There is no step backwards, there is no "reverse" button in the life. Whatever comes, comes for a reason. I hope everything that I've done is worth whatever I will get. 

A.