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ive been feeling dull
as a coat hanger
pretty as a picture
of a patient on a fresh iv
giddy as a gangbanger
with a set of sutres
where his magic johnson ought to be

yes i'll tell you just the thing
you need to be the next big thing
lets start in with a test of your intelligence
and zest for the counter productive
up and down and roundabout
and out the back and keep your mouth shut tight
the lights are staying out but
no sweat ive got aim like a mack truck
guess how many fingers ok
guess how many more i can fit there
guess right get the toaster
but you know miss guessing gets you nowhere

i've been baking cakes for the enemy
i've been dying to find out the hard way
ive been taking friends to the alleyway
two down now but whos counting anyway?

yes i can do everything you need from out of my S U V
my work is garunteed to last the length of your recovery
put away those pliers honey trust me cause i know the options
how about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

i've been getting up close and intimate
some close calls but oh im getting into it
in some states i heard you can burn for it
but ill burn that bridge when i get to it

it's not a bad thing
to get proffesional
its got a nice ring
mandy goes to med school

i've been taking tips from the government
ive been getting damn good at hiding it
fifty bucks a month ought to cover it
two down now but whos gonna notice it?

if you show up and i am unavailable
my partner Brian would love to take care of you

he is a nice man
fairly relaible
he's in a rockband
and he goes to medschool
and he goes to medschool
and he goes to medschool