_{Debby`s Diary.}

(Реальный дневник девушки которая мастурбировала опарышами)

18 + 

(на английском)

 The blowfly (calliphora vomitoria) is attracted to the odor of decaying meat, garbage, or other non-living organic matter.  Blowflies can lay hundreds of eggs, which hatch into larvae in only six hours and begin to feed.   Thousands of maggots will typically feed together in a 'maggot mass', exuding a thick, slimy, yellow fluid of digestive enzymes and bacteria.  Within four to six days, the maggots molt several times and can grow up to 12-15mm, especially in a warm, humid environment....  

I've thought about what it must be like, fantasizing about it over and over again for such a long time.   And now I'm so ready.  I can't wait much longer.   I must go through with it.   I must offer myself to them.   And I know just how I'm going to do it.  

I know where to go to find them.  There is a restaurant near where I live that is closed on Sundays.  The dumpster behind the restaurant is surrounded by a fence to hide it from customers, but the fence also makes it really secluded.   That dumpster always seems to be swarming with flies and it always stinks.  On a warm Sunday, soon I hope, I will overcome my disgust and climb into that dumpster.  It will be our first date, sort of.   I know there will already be sickening things rotting in there, attracting the flies, but I won't leave anything to chance.   A nauseating mixture of raw ground beef and my own shit that I'll bring along in a plastic bag should be irresistable to them, and once I have removed my pants and made myself comfortable inside the dumpster, I'll spread my shitty meat mixture out in a layer on top of something flat so lots of flies can land and lay their eggs all at once.  And I'll sit and watch them do taht for a long while.  Maybe I'll use a fingerful of the gross mixture on my pussy lips while I masturbate, hoping the flies will notice me and visit there, too.  I usually hate when flies land on me, but this is different.  A little heavy petting on the first date, why not? 

When the time is right, I'll spread my legs wide and give myself completely to them.  I will gather the shitty meat and begin to push it all inside me, inside my vagina.  What a great cum that will be, I know it.  I will fill myself with as much as I can possibly hold, maybe all of it.   I want them to have lots of food when they hatch inside me, my tiny repulsive spawn.  And then, having gone all the way on our first date, and taken the seed of the blowflies into my body, I will go back home to wait.    

I may contract an infection.  I probably will.  But I've had bad infections before.  I will not let that stop me.  Nothing will stop me.  I must wait for the thousands of disgusting maggots to grow and writhe within me.  I want to feel them squirming inside my vagina, driving me mad.  Defiling me.  Polluting me.  Driving me to orgasm, over and over.  Corrupting me.  Infesting me...

9-16-2004:

This afternoon, after chatting for a while online with a friend, I bought a pound of ground beef from Jewel, unwrapped it, and put in a plastic garbage bag.  I left the bag inside my 'favorite' dumpster behind the restaurant and made sure that it wasn't closed up.  I don't want the meat to dry up, but I don't want to keep the flies from getting to it either.  I tried this last weekend and it worked, so I'm trying to do it exactly the same way.  There were some flies buzzing around the dumpster, so that's encouraging.  

I was originally going to put the meat inside me as soon as I thought the flies had laid their eggs, but I've been kind of worried about getting an infection, I mean getting really sick, even before anything happens.  So now I'm going to wait until I can see my repulsive little lovers before I go any farther.

Yeah, as if I have the guts to actually go through with this...

9-17-2004:

Checked the dumpster before I went to work today.  I had to pull my garbage bag out from under one that came from the restaurant.  I don't think it'll be a problem.  The meat is getting pretty stinky already and the flies are still around.  The restaurant people seem to prefer leaving the dumpster's lids open.  I'm not sure, but that's probably good.

Last night I masturbated before I went to sleep, thinking about maggots.  I really wonder if I'll be able to bring myself to touch them.  Just seeing one near me has always made me want to gag.  Even on tv. 

I'll check the dumpster again tomorrow.

9-19-2004

It's 3:15 Sunday afternoon, and I'm leaving to go to the dumpster right now.  I'm ready.  I'm going to do it.  I'm really going to go through with it.  But I'm nervous, and I'm kind of scared, too.  Anyway it's warm and really sunny today, just the way I think about it when I'm fantasizing.

So I'm all prepared now...  I've got a pair of rubber gloves from under the sink rolled up in the pocket of my jeans.  I'm going to see if I can get away with not touching the maggots at all.  I also have on two pairs of panties, tight ones, with a bunch of panty liners (long ones) inside them.  I'm hoping that'll keep everything in while I'm coming back home.

I did check the dumpster again yesterday and I looked inside the bag.  The meat really stunk bad, and there were maggots.  I mean a lot of them.  But they were still really little.  I hope they're bigger today.

I will not wimp out again.  Today is the day.

9-20-2004

This is the most horrible, totally disgusting thing I have ever done to myself.  I can't believe this is happening.  I can't even think straight right now.  My vagina, right now, is filled with rotting meat and hundreds of squirming, repulsive, disgusting maggots.  I'm now completely fucking insane, I know it.

I've called off of work, and I'm lying naked in my bed right now.  This is where I'm staying until it's all over.  I've already peed in the bed twice, and I've barely slept.  Just a few minutes at a time, I think.  I've also puked on myself once and I can't even count how many times I've cum so far.  Oh yeah, it feels like I'm stuck in this kind of continuous orgasm and I haven't even been touching myself.  It's just the maggots moving inside my cunt.  I can't describe the feeling.  I can't believe this is happening.  

My babies are in me now.  My babies, my sick, repulsive little spawn.  Inside me now.   Just what I wanted so long.  Just what I deserve.

Every now and then one of them starts slitherig up onto my tummy and I have to flick it back down between my legs.

I'll write some more later when I'm making better sense...

Page 1

Sunday was warm and sunny, just how I always fantasized it would be when I finally went through with it.  I stared walking to the sumpster again, I think about 2pm, and I was really excited and nervous.  I felt butterflies in my tummy, just anticipagting what I was about to do.

The dumpster is in the alley behind a restaurant near my house.  It gets emptied on Tuesdays, so by Sunday it's pretty stinky and there are flies buzzing around.  Which means there are things rotting inside there and that's just perfect for me.  A few times in the past I climbed into that dumpster and masturbated.  Nothing too intense.  Most I'd ever done was take off my pants and hump against the dirty garbage bags.  And one time I laid there with my legs spread, watching the flies land on me.

So anyway, I walked down the alley to the dumpster, and as usual I made sure nobody was around, just to be extra careful.  You have to go behind a tall wooden fence to even see the dumpster, and the restaurant is closed on Sunday anyway, so I knew I wouldn't be noticed.  But this time there's no way I want to be disturbed.  I climbed up and over the side and onto my hands and knees into the mass of plastic garbage bags and other miscellaneous rubbish.  The bags felt warm from the sun.  The smell in there was extremely foul, much worse than usual, and I knew it was because of my rotting meat.  I sat and tried to get myself to relax for a few minutes.  There was no reason to hurry.  When I was ready, I calmly took off my sandals, my jeans, and my panties.  Both pairs.  I was wearing two pairs of tight panties with a bunch of my panty liners in the crotch, which keeps anything in my vagina from coming out when I move around.  But I was going "all the way" this time, so I went ahead and got completely naked.  That was a weird feeling, being totally nude inside the dumpster.  It seemed very erotic to me.  The sun felt warm on my skin, especially my boobs, which pretty much never see the sun.

I took a pair of rubber kitchen gloves out of my pants pocket and put them on.  There was no way I could bring myself to actually touch a maggot with my bare hands.  Lying with my back against the side of the dumpster, I fingeed my pssy.  I was really wet already.  I knew I would be.  The sensation of the rubber glove against my clit felt unusual, and I kind of liked it.  I did that for a little while, just thinking about what I was about to do, while staring at the smaller garbage bag in the far corner of the dumpster where I'd left it yesterday.  I still felt the butterflies in my tummy.  I kept thinking to myself that I can't wimp out, that I had to go through with this.  I wished for a moment that someone else was there to force me to do it, but decided that it was somehow much more sick and depraved to do it to myself willingly.  And I thought, yeah, that's me.  That's what I want.  I deserve this.  And so I knew it was time to do it

I got back on my hands and knees and crawled to the other side of the dumpster.  I sat down next to my garbage bag, gently picked it up and placed it in front of me.  The terrible smell was already stronger.  Carefully, I tore the bag open.  And there they were.  There had to be thousands of maggots, kind of beige-yellow with little black spots on them, all writhing in a large mass.  I couldn't even see the rotting meat underneath them.  Dozens more maggots clung to the inside of the black plastic, which was coated with a thick light-brown slime.  It was such a repulsive sight I thought I was going to throw up right there.  But I didn't.  I took a few minutes to get control of myself, fingering my clit while staring at the maggots, trying to work up the courage to continue.

10-08-04:

I'm glad I'm writing all of this down.  It'll help me remember.  I keep wondering whether all of this will encourage or discourage anybody else from trying it.  All I can say about that is to be careful unless you really are trying to kill yourself, which I wasn't.

Anyway, this is probably the last I'll write about it.  I just wanted to finish up what happened after I passed out and eventually woke up in the hospital.

My immediate impressions were that my mother was there with me, I had an IV in my arm, and I had a huge headache.   My mother was obviously relieved that I woke up.  She said that I'd been unconscious for three days.  Maybe I was in a coma, she wasn't sure.  But anyway now it was Friday morning.  It took me a little while for my head to clear out and begin to remember why I was there.  But when I finally did remember, I realized that my mother must know what I had done to myself.  Oh, no.

I asked her how I got there.  She said that she'd found me in my bed and called 911, and then she frowned and turned away from me, bringing her hand up to her mouth.  She was really upset.  I can just imagine what I must have looked like.  I felt really bad for having put her through that, but I didn't know what to say to her except that I was sorry.  She asked if anyone had done this to me.  I shook my head no.  And then she did something I didn't expect.  She suddenly seemed relieved and didn't look so upset anymore.  And then she kind of zoned out and stared out the windows for a little while.  As she was zoning, I began to notice all of the stuff i was hooked up to.  I have no idea what it all was, but there seened ti be little electrodes and tubes everywhere on me.

I was feeling way better later on that day, and my mother and I were communicating again.  I'd found out that I was in the ICU because the infection was so bad my kidneys had begun to shut down.  I had gotten toxic shock syndrome, which I'd heard of but only in relation to tampons.  Apparently that can kill you.  I didn't know.

I got to go home from the hospital a couple days after I woke up.  I lost my job.  My mother and I agreed that if I'm going to continue living at home, I would have to start seeing the psychiatrist again, at least for a while.  My father doesn't know everything that happened.  He just knows I got sick.  Right now it's October 8th, and I think I'm completely recovered.  I even have a new bed.

I had a lot of time to talk with my mother while I was in the hospital be adn since I've been home.  I don't want to go into too much detail about what we've talked about, but I will say I don't have any more secrets between us.  She knows everything now.  The weird thing is that she seems to understand it all way too well.  I'm beginning to wonder about that.  Like maybe she's got some secrets too, you know?