The truth is I always want to write here when I'm not in a mood for anything else.

Right know what I should be doing is going over through my accounting texbook and preparing to the f***ing final, which is inevitably approaching. But I'm not really very productive. When I'm down I'm usually not. If I start studying I'll probably feel worse... Argh.

Anyways. I figured out I got into these horrible mood swing quite consciously. I knew that "relationship" could not last. Distance, age gap, and other bullshit. I knew that, but I wanted imediate gratification - spending days with N felt so good. Spending nights even better. After each time I wanted more of it; after each time I realized that it WILL hurt at the end.

The thing is, it doesn't hurt as much. The little pain thing is just inside, that's true. However, heart responsiveness is close to zero. After I had gotten hurt by falling for people before, the heart just decided not to function full power. It just got tired.

Me too. I want something real. I still wait for N to come again for 10 days, though. Just 10 more days; then we might never see each other again.

Why do I do with myself? Getting hurt has never been so good.

Good?

Why can't I concentrate on what's important?

Why can't I be just a little bit, well maybe a lot more, rational? I am just a man, the answer should be.

I want to be better than that.

Why can't I abandon those stupid wants? I am just still a boy, the other answer is, dreaming of travelling through time and space.

And decision making. The beloved organizational behaviour term. It never sounded more complicated than now.

Summer where? I have no idea.

What is with that competitiveness of mine? The fear to fail the other people's expectations? Are there any expectations?

Just relax. Don't I relax too much though?

That's so much bullshit here... The funny thing - that's me.

Hello, and welcome.