Sometimes it happens like this. People leave when they realize that they are not loved any more. That`s why I left once too. Anyway people just can`t leave, when they feel that they are still loved, even in such pervert hard-to-understand way. That is the reason I did not ever leave you. Though you are hundred miles or cities or universes away from me I still have that kind of feeling - that you are somehow still in love with me. Though i am not sure if you ever was. 

It happened on saturday. It ended on saturday. The same day with the difference of a couple of months. I was going to move to your place, though i always loved being on my own, but you were cooking lots of good food so i just couldn`t refuse. We had amazing sex, not only because we both were good at it, but mostly because we had that undescribible feeling of being one. I think people experience this only when they are in love. I mean, sex with real feelings, not the one when you fuck like wild animals just to be satisfied. You loved when i made you compliments and i loved when you were holding my head like it was the most precious thing you`d ever had in the world. I never told you such things because you had never asked me to. Maybe you feeled it, like i did, maybe you didn`t. That is the riddle I think I will never be able to solve.  When you left the only phrase that circulated in my mind was - another person`s soul is unknowable. But if you stopped loving me - why don`t I feel it?
Why am I so sure that you wouldn`t leave me just like that - without any cause? I did not ever find any note from you.
More of it - I did not ever find anything in this world that even proves your exictence. Once I just came to an
empty flat with no signs of a living creature in it. But I still could smell your body, though there was not anything from
your stuff in there. But I was sure that some particles of your body were still floating around the room. I was sure that
I could smell a little shade of your perfume. And I still am. And I`m afraid I will always be.

So this is where you left me - sitting all alone in the middle of your ex-bedroom or ex-diningroom or ex-sitting room, whatever, with a bottle of my mother`s hommade wine wich was carefully brought here undrunk and even unopened until this very moment. It begins to remind me of the time when I didn`t meet you yet - the empty flat with an unignorable sense of inevitable loneliness. I didn`t ever want to remember this part of my life at all but now I just can`t stop this. The atmosphere of the coming loneliness is always the same, you can`t mix it up with any othere sense. But this is life - that thought comes to my mind, the real life tastes like the air in this room.