“You make me sick!” She screamed spitting at the fallen angel in the mirror. “Tonight is the night” she kept saying in her head “tonight is the night”. The truth is there was nothing to be sick about. She was a beautiful young woman in her early 30s with long thick curly brown hair and jade green eyes that would be such a delight to see if they were not so constantly in a state of sadness. She had olive colored skin and model cheeks (as her mother had once described them). But sadly she was a woman in America and that means one thing, she was not good enough.
The day was like any other she went to work and made a couple sales. More then usual, but by no means enough to change her fait. She sat on the computer all day long and tried not to look at her reflection on the screen. And all the while she kept saying to herself “tonight is the night” tonight is the night”.
On her was home there was no cliche stormy weather. In fact it was a marvelous eve, warm but partly cloudy with red slices through the sky where the clouds would permit it. It was the kind of weather you take a stroll in, but not tonight. No, tonight she was just trying to get home as quick as possible while shaking and shivering like a 3rd grader at a talent show. And all the while she kept saying to herself “tonight is the night” tonight is the night”.
Quick as a flash she jumped out of her parked car bolted through the door and run into the bathroom. She locked the door and opened the cabinet. There is sat a single edge razor blade. She took a deep breath, calmed her nerves, and picked it up. She lowered the blade to her skin. But then decided to first take on last look at what she had become. She shut the door turned around to go to the mirror but what she saw shocked her so much she dropped the blade and froze as it hit the floor.
There was a young boy sitting Indian style on the floor not too far from her. He was looking up at her with a gleeful smile as if she were about to read him a story. She would have screamed but he was a young boy who could have been no older then five it was obvious that he meant her no harm. “What are you doing here!?!” she asked with a cracked voice, partially from fear partially from shock.
He said nothing he just sat there smiling. He had a green and black stripped shirt and dirty brown hair. His eyes were such a clear blue that it felt like you could see right through him. With his noticeably long arms he reached out and patted the floor in front of him in an inviting manor. The woman was very confused but she felt an odd sort of comfort in the boy and so she sat.
She asked once more “What are you doing here?” This time he answered. “I am here to tell you that you do not want to kill yourself” he said still smiling. “I don’t even know you! Who are you to try and stop me?” She snapped in a knee jerk reaction. The boy smiled even wider and said, “Well, first off I already have stopped you, judging by the still blood free razor on the floor next to you”. Filled with embarrassment she pushed the blade to the side. “But you must have misinterpreted what I meant when I said that I am here to tell you that you don’t want to kill yourself. I did not mean that I was by any means here to stop you, I’m simply here to tell you that you do not want to kill yourself”.
This reply greatly shocked her and so she responded to him “Of course I want to I didn’t come to the bathroom to pee ya know”.
“If this were true then you wouldn’t have seen me,” said the boy. “What do you mean?” asked the woman, “You are sitting right here I didn’t want to see you”. Almost as if he rehearsed it the boy replied, “When your back was turned nothing was behind you, and at the same time, everything was behind you. When you turned around you could have seen anyone or thing that you wanted, you could have easily seen nothing but walls and a toilet and continued to do what you were doing. However, you chose to see me and so, here I am.”
“But that’s impossible you are not some illusion, you’re a living breathing boy.”
“Everything in this universe is the same. We are all just masses of energy to be perceived as one sees fit. For example an artist looks at a sunset and sees a picture to be painted as a poet sees it as a song to be written as a worker sees it as time to clock out as you see it as time to end your life.” “So as far as me being a living breathing boy you are correct and incorrect. I am the illusion of a living breathing boy as you are the illusion of emotionally distressed woman”. Her mind was blown away by this so much so that she forgot what she was doing or where she was. There was nothing but her and the boy.
“So you and I are not real?” she asked. “Quite the opposite” he responded ”at this point and time we are the only things that are real to each other. Someone could walk through that door right now and they would not see us and vice versa unless both you and I and said person decided to allow the interaction to be existent.”
“So you see I have been sitting on the floor or your bathroom all of your life, you just chose not to see me until today.”
“Then why did I choose to see you today?”
“Well that is not my question to answer”
“Well how do I find out?” asked the woman.
“The book of answers has been in your hands all of you life” Said the boy. “You just have to be willing to open it”
The woman started thinking deeply. If my whole life has been a total mess why would I wait until I was on the edge to decide to see him? Maybe I wanted my life to be such a mess I wanted to be pushed to this point. Maybe deep down inside this has all just been a learning experience. But what is it that I am supposed to be learning?
“That’s a simply answer” replied the boy as if she had been speaking her thoughts allowed. “You hid behind layers of makeup, and long curly hair and designer clothing for years it is because of this that you have forgotten how beautiful you really are. You are a wonderful woman who deserves all the beautiful things that life has to offer but until you learn to believe in yourself you will never reach your potential. This is why you see me this is why you went through what you went through all of your life.
The woman started crying as if these words had been what she needed to hear for the better half of her life.
“It is almost time for me to leave now so I will allow one more question.”
She thought deeply and finally she decided to ask something that had been bothering her since the moment she laid eyes on the boy.
“This may sound rude but I must know” she asked nervously “Why are your arms so long?”
The boy smirked, as if he heard the question he was hopping she would ask. “So that no matter where you go I will always be able to hold you and tell you that it is ok.”…
She awoke in her bed so suddenly that she almost jumped. She sat up and said to her self “tonight is the night” Tonight is the night”.
The day was like any other she went to work and made a couple sales. More then usual, but by no means enough to change her fait. She sat on the computer all day long. And all the while she kept saying to herself “tonight is the night” tonight is the night”.
On her was home there was no cliche stormy weather. In fact it was a marvelous eve, warm but partly cloudy with red slices through the sky where the clouds would permit it. It was the kind of weather you take a stroll in, but not tonight. No, tonight she was just trying to get home as quick as possible while shaking and shivering like a 3rd grader at a talent show. And all the while she kept saying to herself “tonight is the night” tonight is the night”.
Quick as a flash she jumped out of her parked car bolted through the door and run into the bathroom. She locked the door and opened the cabinet. There is sat a single edge razor blade. She took a deep breath, calmed her nerves, and picked it up. Lowered it to her skin and started carving away. As the blood dripped she ran and got some kitchen scissors then proceeded to cut of almost all of her hair off until only a hacked up pixie remained. She took off all of her clothes and washed off all of her makeup. She went over to the mirror and looked and whipped off the blood.
There she stood naked, chopped hair, and only the small amount of running makeup that remained on her face. She looked at her chest where she had cut the phrase “I AM BEAUTIFUL.” And she had never believed words so much in her life as she did those that she had written.
With a smile on her face she laid in bed laughing and watching the sun set knowing that with the new sun rising tomorrow she would look in the mirror and again see the beautiful woman she saw that night. She kissed herself goodnight drifted into the world of dreams.