Настроение сейчас - absent

It's just wicked how your own life can shrink and get so distorted just in a couple of weeks. Like a vast vacuum, it's got totally emotionless and very robot-like.
I'm not actually going to complain about anything, as even the most crappy situation can become a springboard for something really huge in your life.
Hasn't happened to me yet though.
I've recently had so much of totally gruesome and grueling experience.
I'm in the middle of my exams where every bloody point counts as they're finals. Sleepless nights and eye bags guaranteed. Dozens of cups of coffee as well.
And today's.... It's a boiling point.
My next exam's tomorrow.
My grandpa died.
As you grow up, the people around you become some sort of constants - not even humans, just some super sweet alien creatures who always take care of you and love you no matter what you do. But when life swings its axe and you lose those people, you can't believe it. When the reality finally hits you, you realise how much they meant to you. And you regret your every single unsaid word.
I understood that I don't quite wanna talk about it. It's hard. I'm just all alone in this flat which suddenly seems so big. I don't need a chat, i just want someone to take my hand and keep silent with me.
Unfortunately, there's no one beside me.
I'll be fine on my own.