The name's Ted. Yes, my mother did me the service of naming me Theodore, and I haven't a clue as to how you know that because everbody who knows that is thousands of fucking miles away! Have you any idea -- the faintest idea -- what it's like to arrive at school and find yourself surrounded by the maladjusted? And there you stand: Little Lord Fauntelroy. Ever worn a bonnet? Give it a try sometime. So, shoot me now, because no one is ever going to call me Theodore again! Let alone, Theo the Thumper.