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ROD:
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY:
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD:
Hi Nicky.


NICKY:
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning.
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD:
That's very interesting.

NICKY:
He was being real friendly,
And I think he was coming on to me.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD:
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care? I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY:
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod...

ROD:
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY:
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD:
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY:
Yeah, but...

ROD:
OVER!!!

NICKY:
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY, I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE, IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
(BUT I'M NOT GAY.)

ROD:
Nicky, please! I am trying to read....
What?!

NICKY:
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD:
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY:
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD:
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY:
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD:
Nicky!

NICKY:
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR TO ME,

ROD:
Argh!

NICKY:
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD:
What?

NICKY:
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD:
I would?

NICKY:
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY, "HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!" (BUT I'M NOT GAY.)
I'M HAPPY JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD:
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey...

NICKY:
SO WHAT SHOULD IT MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS?

ROD:
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY:
No it's not! IF YOU WERE GAY I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD:
I am not listening!

NICKY:
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD:
La la la la la!

NICKY:
BUT I WOULDN'T GET IN YOUR WAY.

ROD:
Aaaah!

NICKY:
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY, TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY, IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD:
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY:
If you were gay.

ROD:
Argh!