On the twentieth year of the existence, I have grown fond of the girl. Has grown fond madly, passionately, as of anybody and never. But, as is known the happiness in a life is not present and alas, it did not love me. It concerned to me as to the friend, and it is possible from fear to lose this friendship it, only has understood about my feelings, began to avoid my society. Love эгоистична, understand correctly, I did not wish it to lose. I have hidden this love in hiding places of the heart. It, having seen, that I have changed the attitude to it, have solved, that I have simply had been ill. Our attitudes were adjusted, in its understanding, certainly.
We often met, spoke on different themes, and simply silently walked, thinking of the . It has much told to me about the life, including personal. Told about things on so much personal, that I at times did not know how to react to its words. Eventually, I have developed the line of conduct. I became for it the good friend, such what it wished me to see. Such I saw myself in its eyes, such I wished and to remain. I closely listened to everything, that it spoke me. Sometimes inserting the remarks, expressing of the opinion. But there were moments about which I now regret when I could not keep the feelings, and they filtered through that barrier which I created around of myself. I was afraid of disappointment which would follow its refusal. It would break off that thin string which connected us. As it was heavy to me. " That you will dare, you will receive! ". I was not dared ?
Generally in my position there were also some pluss. I have opened, for myself, that to me to communicate with other representatives of a fine floor as I do not test to them any feelings, like love easier. The fear to expose in bad light - has disappeared itself at all. Aspiration to like as has lost any sense. I was oneself, or, at will, such to what wished to seem.
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And then, absolutely having despaired, I was solved ?
To you I appeal, reading this confession, let these lines that you could save the body and soul will get into your heart. Know one - I there is nothing I do not regret, because has chosen the way itself. At own will and in sensible mind I have painted the clothes in color of onyx and have stepped into a dark bowl of weights of balance.