it is the way to scream out here what i want to scream out to his face. but can't. i must understand why. i must understand why i can't break this silence of mine. why i keep it all inside. why i never strike back, but only say nothing. i can't cry already. i know there's nothing left. or almost nothing. but it will never return to the level i want. if i want. do i want? i think not anymore. it's only the inertion and lack of place to move to that keeps me here. there's nothing left. i hate it. i lost it. i failed. i failed to keep it. i was given such a chance and just failed. i just want it all back as was 4 years ago. and at the same time i want it to be finally over. to be alone. free. FREE