My life is like a little game, the outcome of which I can chose to predict or hide.I make up my own rules,I chose my own players and its up to me who gets within the core of me.There are things which I will never say or reveal about myself.Maybe,I will but it will take time and as I will learn to understand myself better I will learn to be true to myself.
Anger creates motivation.I'm angry.I'm f*kcing angry at the fact that my boyfriend (actually he is a bit more then that..) lives like thousands of miles away,that my mother messed up my live and that my best friend is in Charter House.The thing is I'm been waiting for this moment for along time and now it has come.Over last two weeks I realised sooooooooo much.In fact,too much.
There are no rules.Rules are only valid if you value them so, you amke your own ones and I have made mine.I broke them, soemtimes I regreted making them but they are mine.No one said live is easy, no one said staying true to yourself is easy.Falling and bouncing back is hard, realising and stepping up is even harder but when we fall and get back int he game we realise who we are.Then, I realsied that the game is mine and Im the lead player and if anythings needs changing its up to me.

''I used to think that life was planned for me
Until realised that it has to be planned by me..
see thats the key''

I learned to appreiciate the peopee which I've met, the relationships that I had and the mistakes that I made.When you elarn to respect your mistakes then you learn hwo to change them.I dont look back and keep my expectations low.Why? You dont get dissapointed in people.When people told me that I'm naive I was MAD.Then, after thinking about ti I realised they were right.You ahve to respect critisism and aspire to be better.One person told me once that even when its good you dont relax you get back on track and make it better.You dont stop.I cant fall anymore because I have responsibility for time, myself and someone esle now. Myabe, its too much for a 16 year old but I'm changed.
I could only be greatful to the person that changed me because I wouldnt be here, now, without him.
What ever happens the person I used to look up to is gone.I dont need her.Im not like her.Her advices are only suitable for her life-in diffrent culture.Im my own game and she gave me too many complexes.Why do I ahve to be embarassed that day? the morning after ..because it was stupid.The thing is I know what my style is.True style Karl Lagerfield meets Ralph Lauren with engraved youthful elegance.Black.Blanc and tipped off with a little pink or purple.Not sexy,flirty, airy couture for party girls.Im not a Marylin Monroe for f*ckes sake and oh, and just for the record I will ALWAYS speak my mind.



I guess Im pushing back.Make our own mistakes.Deal with them and learn from them.