The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and some British authority.

BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision

BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

BRITS: We are a lighthouse. Fuck off