Настроение сейчас - ...sabishi desu...

I was blamed again...they think I've ruined their world...then why do they keep me alive? if I am the one to be blamed...why should I live...maybe it's better to leave (heh I am playing with words again) I'm an absolute idiot...a bookworm with the hope to live, to become someone from nobody. That even sounds like fun. I want to die really. That's not bad, that's better than such life. I am not such a bad person, am I? Probably I am! Everybody thinks so...they'd never say they loved me...i don't remember my parents saying it! and now what are they demanding from me - words and confessions in eternal love? yeah! I love people but I never say that to them - they had taught me that so why now they are trying to get something they hadn't taught me at all? I've heard very passionate speech about ruined dreams, hard-working, about me not-helping and being bad daughter but why do not they see how many my small unnecessary dreams were ruined under their attempts to work as an artists in the country where nobody needs such work? from the early childhood I gave up on everything expensive, I was always taught not to buy something that cost more than 50 rubles, I've lived 16 years even not asking, truing to understand, I had never said a word about not having a birthday present from my parents and today they said that I am too stupid, too lazy, that I do nothing but have fun, that I ask too much...that they do not want to see me and to hear my voice...I really want to die, can you hear me Sekai-chan? I am not kidding...why should a man live if nobody needs him? If nobody is here when everything is so awful, if I have no place to go, no place to hide at...I am alone...and scared...

...onegai shimasu, Kami-sama, tasukette kudasai...itai...kowaii...


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