Well, what's done is done. Do I regret that there's nothing can be changed in my past? I would lie if I told you that. I want, I definetely want something to be changed. But no way. No possibility.
Yeah, that's right, we build our future today, right now. Every second is a lifetime. (c) And yep, it's all about positive thinking and positive worldview. I try. I'll do my best to reach this height. But...
Seems I have lost something very important, something that supported me last three years.
I lost my love.
I lost, what I thought, the love of my life.
But... Again and again.
I am mistaken.
This terrible accident with my right foot, which had happened to me for the second time, made everything clear to me. He is no man to support me. He is all about himself. Just himself and nobody else. He doesn't want to persevere through our difficulties.
All these 3 years he tried to escape. He left me, then I begged him to stay. And it happened again and again.
He is just not ready to live with me. Or maybe he is not my kind of man?..
He said I was a burden to him, that he wasted his youth on me. Did he have any right to say it? As if I had been torturing him all these 3 years! Not in the least.
I was tortured myself.
By my thoughts. And by my health during last 2 years.
And now... I've come to the point, I accept the truth. He is not created for me.
I am not destined to be with him.
He shows no respect for me, though we shared so many events and things.
There's nothing between us anymore.
I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. God knows it. I never loved anyone but him.
He thinks he is the ruler of our relations.
I'm sorry, boy, you're mistaken.
Now I feel I am free. I've let it die...
I still have numerous problems with my health but mentally I am perfectly free of him.
And I am finally glad.

I want no sex and no relationships involving sex. I want a good old boyfriend. Poison-free, hate-free, obsession-free.
And my mind brings me back to my sweet years of being with Igor. I am experienced enough to understand what was and is good in my life.
If only we could meet...