Every time when winter comes I fell into depression. I can't avoid it and I don't know what to do about it. It's just the feeling of losing a year. Because I haven't done anything I can be proud of. And because my plans for the new year are so 'loosy' that I don't even want to think of them. 

This year is the same. I'll spend it in company of people who I'd like to see only once or twice (well, maybe three times) a year. I'll drink. I'll get drunk. Not because I want to, but simply because it's the only way. They're all drinking. And I'll be drinking to. Not to feel a white crown. Not to be the one. And there will be a smile on my face. But there won't be any inside of me. There won't be any happiness. I know that. My last new year was the same. 

I hope that next year I won't need to lose this day. I hope that next year I'll be happy.