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(B)—BLYAD’
If you’re a guy and you hang out with Russian guys, the word you will hear most often will be blyad’. You’ll think it means something like “um,” and you’ll be technically right in the sense that it’s a speech dysfluency. In fact, blyad’ means “whore.” It’s a filler word that also actually means something.

So a Russian guy might say in a typical conversation, “Whore! Yesterday-whore, I wanted-whore to get tickets-whore to the Bolshoi Ballet-whore for you. But, whore! The faggots-whore at the box office-whore tried to tell me they didn’t-whore have any good seats, whore.”

It’s fitting that the word for whore should be used so commonly, as Russia is both a major producer and major consumer of whores.

B is also for babushka, which is what the blyadi will eventually turn into. Beware of babushkas. They’re the toughest bitches you’ll ever come across in your life. They’ll spy on you, plow into you on the metro, and if you speak in English in front of them, they will bite your head off and scream that Stalin was the greatest thing to ever happen to Russia. They do make excellent soup though.

MARK AMES

LI 5.09.15