There IS something I want. It [bites] me to admit it, but I want it so bad I can't even try not to think about it. 'Couse if I stop, I might not be able to feel something like that again. I'm not really sure if it's the right thing to do, but it could be my last chance of saving [something] human I got left inside. For now I still think it is something worth saving. What if I'm wrong? Anyway, even if that means I've got to suffer not having it, so be it. At least I want it, which is extraordinary. Though I can't let this last for too long, either I have it eventually or shut down that part of me completely. And the funny thing is: I do not know if I want to fall for someone, or just finding a soul I could completely be related to. Maybe it's both, but who gets THAT in our world?... 

How long before this will go off? I honestly don't know. And if it does... wouldn't be pretty, I guess.


NB Yeah, my dear friends.. I love ya'll very much, but it is not the same! There is something I could not possibly get from this kind of relationship with each one of you. Maybe I just need a new friend added up into the mix and that's it. Oh, and I'm tired of making exuses, really, yet I'm still making them for your convinience. It doesn't go further than that, you see. And that's just what you're gonna have to deal with, 'couse in the end I am alone, therefore I will protect my principles and myself first. So at least I would have [me]. It is something I've learned recently: my obsession with self-destruction has to end with "self", not to continue with significant others. "Nothing can stop me now" as Trent Reznor once sang.

"So, DO something! Fast!"
said the fish. "Do you hear!
I saw her. Your mother!
Your mother is near!"

Dr. Seuss "The Cat in the Hat"
 

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